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NEW CHAPTER – MY CHILDHOOD
Here I am, nine years old, sitting round the table with my family and neighbours, doing the Ouija board.
We had our own homemade board. I am sure a lot of people that we knew had a set of letters and a glass in their cupboard. My neighbour kept hers in a glass cabinet for all to see, it was a regular thing for our family. I would sometimes come home from school, and there would be about six ladies all sitting round the table asking the glass questions, hoping they were going to reach great Aunt Sally, or Cousin Fred. The thing is, the dangers were not known to us, and then we grew up with it as normal, so yes when the glass did move, and it spelt out something, we believed that someone was there. Yes, something was there, but it was not anyone who had died, it was Satan and his demons trying to convince us that this is good, so let’s do it again and again! Is it any wonder that so many strange things were always happening in my home where I grew up?
There was often the smell of cigar smoke on the landing upstairs. Once, I saw a hand come around my bedroom door and turn my light off. When I said, “Thank you Dad”, he had told me later that he had not been upstairs. Mirrors would seem to attack us that were leaning against a wall, but nothing was moved in front of it. We would go ghost hunting round graveyards. Is it any wonder I was afraid of my own shadow and afraid of the dark? I always slept with the landing light on as I had a small window in my room, so the light shone through. I was always looking behind me scared of what I might see. So many more stories, but I am not going to give the enemy any more of my time.
My childhood was not always a happy one. I did not have a close relationship with my Mother. She never showed any emotion to me, no hugs or affection. I was a modern-day Cinderella and did lots of the cooking and housework. I can remember days when I had to wash the lino in the sitting room, wait for it to dry, then on my hands and knees, I would put polish on the floor. All the time I would have to work around my mum, Nan and three neighbours all sitting drinking tea. She did not want to kiss me, if I went to kiss her goodnight; she would turn her face on the side and put her arm up so I would end up kissing her cheek. I don’t know why she was like that, perhaps she did not know herself, but she behaved differently with my two brothers.
People have since told me it sounds like emotional detachment. We all have emotional needs as we are growing up, especially as little girls. Little girls need to feel loved and special. They need to have that love from their parents before they go looking elsewhere for it. All children need to feel confident in them and encouraged to feel that they are special. I did not feel any self-worth, I was not confident in anything that I did other than cleaning and cooking. My family were very negative people; I was always told the negative things about me, never anything good. Because of this, I ended up with a poor feeling of my reflection, each time I looked in the mirror.